This week has been really almost magical to me. On Sunday I did a double - Regina's class in the morning and Jeremy/Kate's in the afternoon. In Jeremy's class I felt so strong and flexible, it is amazing how much your body is warmed up by a class. I wasn't shaking or wobbling in any of the poses and I felt strong and grounded. Jeremy practiced beside me and I was honored that he chose to do this.
On Monday my arms were exhausted. Regina's class was difficult for me. She had us in turbo dog and was helping me by pressing my hands down and truly - one more second and I would have collapsed, but I did hold it longer than if she was not there and I feel good about that.
Last week she had talked about happiness - you want to be happy? Then be happy. Live your life and make your decisions with joy and love, not anger and fear. For whatever reason this clicked with me last night, it makes so much sense. My job can be tedious and dry, but if I look at it from a different perspective I can start to realign this way of thinking and start to live a richer life. I can sit at home and mope because my little friend hasn't called, or I can be thankful for having this time to myself and cuddle with my doggies. My choice.
Crystal studied with Andrey Lappa last weekend. She said he doesn't like his reputation for having a difficult practice because people are afraid to try it. With your mind-body-breath connection you can achieve anything, it just takes effort and focus - push yourself. If you are in bridge and just fine, move to wheel, if wheel is not that challenging - go further. So many people are used to just "hanging out" in poses, in life. I do that, I know I do and it is exciting to me to start trying harder, pushing myself.
I am so blessed and lucky to have found this studio and the wonderful instructors and owners.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
Off the Mat
Lately I have been needing to take my practice off the mat and eventually remembering to do so. There have been these ebbs and flows of calm and crazy and now it is evening out to a busy calm. When things are crazy I immerse myself fully in the practice, mind, body, spirit. When things are calm I have a tendency to let my mind wander and maybe not realize the entire connection. The problem is that calm can turn to crazy and when it does - your mind is not as settled as it could be.
This week shook me up a bit. Not in a Ben sort of way - the kind that turns your entire head and heart inside out, but more in a small hiccup way. I had to remind myself that I cannot control what happens in this world and I cannot hold on to things that are not a part of myself. Sometimes in a relationship I focus so intently on how the other person is reacting to me, that I don't actually see that other person.
Cheryl's class was empty the other day - only four of us. It was very intimate and quiet. She talked about how much the mind and body are connected. This is what we have, this mind, this body and this soul. We have everything we need for peace right inside of us. My psychic told me that I am constantly looking for answers outside and it is all to be found inside. This makes sense and she was right on the money in that observation.
Today my intention will be to live in peace and accept whatever God has in store for me. I know that I am blessed and I am lucky to be here, to learn whatever lesson I have set for myself.
This week shook me up a bit. Not in a Ben sort of way - the kind that turns your entire head and heart inside out, but more in a small hiccup way. I had to remind myself that I cannot control what happens in this world and I cannot hold on to things that are not a part of myself. Sometimes in a relationship I focus so intently on how the other person is reacting to me, that I don't actually see that other person.
Cheryl's class was empty the other day - only four of us. It was very intimate and quiet. She talked about how much the mind and body are connected. This is what we have, this mind, this body and this soul. We have everything we need for peace right inside of us. My psychic told me that I am constantly looking for answers outside and it is all to be found inside. This makes sense and she was right on the money in that observation.
Today my intention will be to live in peace and accept whatever God has in store for me. I know that I am blessed and I am lucky to be here, to learn whatever lesson I have set for myself.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Sadness
On Friday night I had a horrible dream. During part of it I was with my family, then I drove them somewhere, there were green hills and trees, I assumed it was Chicago. All of a sudden there were school buses stopped in the middle of the road and people were dying from shot wounds on the hills. There was a sniper and he shot a hole through the lower left of my right hand. I didn't want anyone else in the car to get hurt and I believe it was at that time that I woke up.
I knew it was a powerful dream and that it meant something. I woke up wanting to email Ben in the worst way. He always listens to my dreams and actually comments on them as though I am not incredibly crazy. I ended up telling Matt after he started with - I had the craziest dream.
That night I cut my hand in the exact place that it was hurt in the dream. I think Ryder may have nipped it while we were playing. Then yesterday the shootings happened in Virginia. It might have not at all been related, or I might have something very close with someone who passed, but it was weird in general.
I don't think Matt understands my views on life and death, he was upset when I told him that the deceased were in a better place. I absolutely believe that and feel that the remaining family and friends are the ones who will suffer the most. Those students and teachers had completed their time here and they get to go back home. I think they are incredibly lucky actually.
Regina had a wonderful class last night, she did the prettiest reading. She told us to pray and to pray as though we expect our prayers to be heard, to be answered. She greeted me with hello beautiful Melissa - and it was just nice to hear. Her class felt different, I think she started slower and it fit because I believe there was some sort of sadness over class. The Virginia shootings were brought up at the beginning and she reminded us to be so thankful that we are here and not hurting with our lives completely shaken to the core.
I knew it was a powerful dream and that it meant something. I woke up wanting to email Ben in the worst way. He always listens to my dreams and actually comments on them as though I am not incredibly crazy. I ended up telling Matt after he started with - I had the craziest dream.
That night I cut my hand in the exact place that it was hurt in the dream. I think Ryder may have nipped it while we were playing. Then yesterday the shootings happened in Virginia. It might have not at all been related, or I might have something very close with someone who passed, but it was weird in general.
I don't think Matt understands my views on life and death, he was upset when I told him that the deceased were in a better place. I absolutely believe that and feel that the remaining family and friends are the ones who will suffer the most. Those students and teachers had completed their time here and they get to go back home. I think they are incredibly lucky actually.
Regina had a wonderful class last night, she did the prettiest reading. She told us to pray and to pray as though we expect our prayers to be heard, to be answered. She greeted me with hello beautiful Melissa - and it was just nice to hear. Her class felt different, I think she started slower and it fit because I believe there was some sort of sadness over class. The Virginia shootings were brought up at the beginning and she reminded us to be so thankful that we are here and not hurting with our lives completely shaken to the core.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
New Mat
Yesterday I bought a new mat and it is gorgeous. It is a light mauve and super sticky and just more calming than my old rainbow mat.
Class was wonderful as always yesterday. Regina had us do turbo dog with blocks and mine kept slipping every few minutes. Patricia was a rock star though, I think she held it for the entire ninety hours that Regina had us hold the pose. I feel good, I can bind both sides now in archer arms although one side is barely grasping fingertips. We did these huge shoulder openers that felt so amazing. She had us lay down on our bellies and using a strap, make a small loop and hook it around our ankle. Then you pull on the foot, keeping the knee on the ground, with your right hand raised over your head. You alternate hands, then feet and finally do both arms and both feet, lifting knees off the ground this time. My shoulders are so horrible and tight, it just feels good to know I am working them open somehow.
I booked a flight to Phoenix for Laura's wedding and I'm excited to go. It is probably just going to be mom and dad and I and I want to look for good places to eat while we are there.
Class was wonderful as always yesterday. Regina had us do turbo dog with blocks and mine kept slipping every few minutes. Patricia was a rock star though, I think she held it for the entire ninety hours that Regina had us hold the pose. I feel good, I can bind both sides now in archer arms although one side is barely grasping fingertips. We did these huge shoulder openers that felt so amazing. She had us lay down on our bellies and using a strap, make a small loop and hook it around our ankle. Then you pull on the foot, keeping the knee on the ground, with your right hand raised over your head. You alternate hands, then feet and finally do both arms and both feet, lifting knees off the ground this time. My shoulders are so horrible and tight, it just feels good to know I am working them open somehow.
I booked a flight to Phoenix for Laura's wedding and I'm excited to go. It is probably just going to be mom and dad and I and I want to look for good places to eat while we are there.
Friday, April 6, 2007
April Ice Storm
It is a cold and dreay day today. My car was coved in ice and it has been sleeting/snowing/raining for most of the day. It is the kind of day you want to spend in bed and watch movies or read all day. Or you can go into work and try to get your offering circular filed.
I did make Patrick's class on Tuesday, but I was running late and frazzled. I was also really self-conscious - my clothes smelled like smoke from the downstairs apartment. For the first part of class I could not balance to save my life, then I think I caught my breath. I tried toe-stand again and could not balance, but Marybeth said that just getting down was the tricky part. Thanks to Cheryl I've found that trying, just starting to try, will get you so much farther than you think. Patrick talked about giving your practice, this moment, that much more effort and it made sense. Challenge yourself.
By Wednesday I was really exhausted. I think the full moon has knocked me off balance and I also think that I need to improve my diet. There was a pregnant woman about ready to pop who had more strength and flexibility than most of the class, it was impressive. I did not have a strong practice that night, but I was hesitant in going, so my victory was that I did go and try my best.
Last night I skipped Lara's class and cleaned my house. I'm starting to love my little bungalow, especially it's proximity to the studio, to the wonderful dives on Colfax and the Tattered Cover. The only thing that I really don't like is the smoke smell from below, but I am hoping the summer will ease that a bit.
I did make Patrick's class on Tuesday, but I was running late and frazzled. I was also really self-conscious - my clothes smelled like smoke from the downstairs apartment. For the first part of class I could not balance to save my life, then I think I caught my breath. I tried toe-stand again and could not balance, but Marybeth said that just getting down was the tricky part. Thanks to Cheryl I've found that trying, just starting to try, will get you so much farther than you think. Patrick talked about giving your practice, this moment, that much more effort and it made sense. Challenge yourself.
By Wednesday I was really exhausted. I think the full moon has knocked me off balance and I also think that I need to improve my diet. There was a pregnant woman about ready to pop who had more strength and flexibility than most of the class, it was impressive. I did not have a strong practice that night, but I was hesitant in going, so my victory was that I did go and try my best.
Last night I skipped Lara's class and cleaned my house. I'm starting to love my little bungalow, especially it's proximity to the studio, to the wonderful dives on Colfax and the Tattered Cover. The only thing that I really don't like is the smoke smell from below, but I am hoping the summer will ease that a bit.
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Monday Monday
I'm realizing that I actually look forward to Monday's now because of Regina's class. She was awesome as usual, we started with abs, then moved straight to turbo dog. :-) I love getting into dolphin right after turbo dog, you feel so strong and light.
I'm getting a little better at half moon but it is still one of my most challenging. At least I can start to stack my hips without falling every two seconds. I just need to get steadier and start to look toward the ceiling. I'm trying to envision myself standing strong and steady in my poses and it has been helping a bit especially during the balancing poses.
We ended doing kind of a bound wheel, I cannot for the life of me remember the name, but you rest your forearms on the ground. It was tough, it hurt... but it felt good to know I could at least try it. My shoulders are still pinched in wheel and I need to just keep experimenting to find if I need to get a wider stance with my arms or bring them closer.
The intent of class was to start doing things out of joy. To be honest I am having the toughest time with that, it is horrible!! I think I am going through a transition again. At least now I am more mindful of what I am bringing to my life. I know it will change, I will make it change.
Regina was really inspiring. She told me that I did a great job and really welcomed me. It makes such a difference when you have that kind of kindness. I could probably meet more people (ahem, men) if I went to core or to samadhi, but I LOVE this studio and it is the first time that I am doing something really for me. I love that I am welcomed into the studio, I love the peacefulness, the sense of community when someone remembers you and notices your growth or maybe some days just notices that you needed to be there. I love that I don't have to worry about what I am wearing. I love all of the instructors. I've noticed that instructors from other studios come here to practice and I think that says it all.
This weekend I noticed I was much more confident meeting Matt. I was myself, a little goofy and not exactly balanced, but I felt more sure of myself than I have ever been before.
One other thing... We had really intense hip and shoulder openers, which I love, but when I got home I did cry a little. I don't know what happened or why, but at least it is out.
I am hoping to make Patrick's class tonight but I don't know if that is going to happen...
I'm getting a little better at half moon but it is still one of my most challenging. At least I can start to stack my hips without falling every two seconds. I just need to get steadier and start to look toward the ceiling. I'm trying to envision myself standing strong and steady in my poses and it has been helping a bit especially during the balancing poses.
We ended doing kind of a bound wheel, I cannot for the life of me remember the name, but you rest your forearms on the ground. It was tough, it hurt... but it felt good to know I could at least try it. My shoulders are still pinched in wheel and I need to just keep experimenting to find if I need to get a wider stance with my arms or bring them closer.
The intent of class was to start doing things out of joy. To be honest I am having the toughest time with that, it is horrible!! I think I am going through a transition again. At least now I am more mindful of what I am bringing to my life. I know it will change, I will make it change.
Regina was really inspiring. She told me that I did a great job and really welcomed me. It makes such a difference when you have that kind of kindness. I could probably meet more people (ahem, men) if I went to core or to samadhi, but I LOVE this studio and it is the first time that I am doing something really for me. I love that I am welcomed into the studio, I love the peacefulness, the sense of community when someone remembers you and notices your growth or maybe some days just notices that you needed to be there. I love that I don't have to worry about what I am wearing. I love all of the instructors. I've noticed that instructors from other studios come here to practice and I think that says it all.
This weekend I noticed I was much more confident meeting Matt. I was myself, a little goofy and not exactly balanced, but I felt more sure of myself than I have ever been before.
One other thing... We had really intense hip and shoulder openers, which I love, but when I got home I did cry a little. I don't know what happened or why, but at least it is out.
I am hoping to make Patrick's class tonight but I don't know if that is going to happen...
Weekend
This weekend was weird. I did not make it to Friday's class (work), then did not make it to Cheryl's class (too tired) but I did make myself go to Marybeth's bikram. I had had a class with Marybeth before and thought it was ok, nothing special, but I do really like her. She is always nice to me.
I am so glad that I went. First, whenever I leave yoga I feel so much more stable, calm and confident. I knew that I would probably meet Mr. M for the first time that night and I knew that it would make a difference if I went.
Marybeth was AWESOME!! We had a smaller class and she was just so inspiring. She noticed that I was getting stronger and was giving some really good talks about the poses and how they help you. There were two new girls in class and she really guided them well without ignoring or slowing the rest of the class.
I missed Jeremy's because Matt really wanted to take the dogs to the river, and the dogs REALLY needed to get some exercise. He had worked during the day so we were not able to go sooner. It was a nice day, warm, a little breezy. The dogs had a blast and there were no problems other than the usual having-to-call-them-five-hundred-times because SOMEONE does not listen.
Then we saw 300 and since then I have had the goriest nightmares. They are not as much scary as just anxiety-ridden. I wake up and feel frazzled, which is not good.
I am so glad that I went. First, whenever I leave yoga I feel so much more stable, calm and confident. I knew that I would probably meet Mr. M for the first time that night and I knew that it would make a difference if I went.
Marybeth was AWESOME!! We had a smaller class and she was just so inspiring. She noticed that I was getting stronger and was giving some really good talks about the poses and how they help you. There were two new girls in class and she really guided them well without ignoring or slowing the rest of the class.
I missed Jeremy's because Matt really wanted to take the dogs to the river, and the dogs REALLY needed to get some exercise. He had worked during the day so we were not able to go sooner. It was a nice day, warm, a little breezy. The dogs had a blast and there were no problems other than the usual having-to-call-them-five-hundred-times because SOMEONE does not listen.
Then we saw 300 and since then I have had the goriest nightmares. They are not as much scary as just anxiety-ridden. I wake up and feel frazzled, which is not good.
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